Fear of change is a human trait. We like our comfort zones and tend to have to be forced into making a change by external circumstances. John and Emily are a good example of this. They had lived in the same home for over twenty years. It certainly wasn’t their ideal property; they complained regularly but year after year they put up with all they disliked about their house and its environment. In spite of their dissatisfaction, they never fully considered moving until they were faced with external circumstances that necessitated a move. Both John and Emily fiercely resisted the forced move every step of the way; however, after the move they wished they had chosen to move years earlier because their lives were enhanced by the change.
And so we cling to our comfort zone – even if that comfort zone is not very comfortable or appropriate – for fear of the unknown. This is embodied in the saying “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know”. And it does of course make a huge assumption that making a change will mean an encounter with yet another ‘devil’, when it fact it could be a huge blessing.
Since change will occur anyway, it is wise to consider ‘voluntary’ change – making a change in one’s life without any external triggers or drivers. Dreams are that sort of potential change. Our dreams provide us with the vision . . . and then there’s the personal mind chatter – our own in-built naysayer. The naysayers are strong on telling us how difficult it will be to fulfill the vision.
It’s as if there are two people – the one who wants to have these wonderful changes, and the frightened other who points out all the reasons why it would be better to keep to the status quo. The first person is the ‘real’ you – the person you are at your core unencumbered by fear. The second is your Inner Critic or Gremlin – usually built up over a period of time taking on the rules, fears, and excuses of other people.
So, can you work with these two versions of yourself and overcome your fears? In order to bring about change it really is worth working on the WHAT for a long time until what you want to change gets absolutely clear. You need to be able to envision a day in your changed life; see it in your mind’s eye, smell the smells, taste the tastes, sense the movements, hear the sounds as you see yourself living the change.
If you are dreaming of making a change in your life, try taking this first step. Spend some time envisioning – and enjoy the experience.
There is a physiological reason for focusing on the ‘what’ in this way. You are building up a new neurological pathway in your brain – a ‘gestalt’ or picture which your mind can accept as real. This will help you move towards this change and not fall back to the status quo. Only when you are fully clear about the ‘what’ of the change, should you even start to think about the ‘how’. This means being strong even though the Inner Critic or Gremlin voice constantly intervenes and gives you advice as to why not, or what to watch out for, or how difficult and painful it is going to be.
And what about the change process itself? How you perceive or anticipate it, will invoke the self-fulfilling prophecy. It is so easy to run the story of what ‘might’ happen – and very often this results in you taking no action. Fear once again raises its head. So how about seeing change as an adventure? It makes a good metaphor. Like any adventure, you should not set out unprepared. Getting prepared for the change that you have clearly envisioned helps to give credence to the shift you are preparing to make.
So, as we look at change, realizing that fear is present is a good thing. Excitement and fear are very closely allied in our spectrum of emotions – why else would white-knuckle rides at the amusement park be so popular? If you have decided to undertake your own white-knuckle ride, remember:
1. Do some self-awareness work first so that you are able to approach your desired change from a place of personal strength.
2. Spend time envisioning where your white-knuckle ride is taking you. And here the analogy ends: it should not be bringing you back to the start of your journey!
3. Look at making your change as if it were an adventure. No matter what type of adventure you choose to use as your metaphor, it is inevitable that you will need help, you will need allies, you will need to anticipate some of the terrain . . . and you will do the journey one step at a time, perhaps even setting up base camps along the way.
4. Determine what your first step or two will be — do not try to figure out the ‘how’ of your final destination.
5. Feel all your emotions so they will move through you rather than pull you down or hold you back.
6. Set out – yes with some trepidation – but also with the joy of the journey ahead and continue moving forward one step at a time.
Author Resource:-
Lynn Hull and Julie Molner are Certified Professional Life Coaches who, in spite of living thousands of miles apart (Lynn in France; Julie in Michigan) co-authored a book, "Your Life Your Way: The Essential Guide for Women". http://www.essentialguideforwomen.com.
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