Most people have experienced change in their working lives in recent years. It may have been a major restructuring of your department or your organisation, or something as apparently straight forward as moving from your own private office into an open plan environment.
Either way, it is common to find yourself working closely with a new group of people in working conditions where you have to be concerned not only about their competence, but also about their personal behaviour and often irritating habits.
Knowing how to speak up when the person next to you is driving you crazy becomes an important skill in our highly pressurised working environments. Mostly, we do not speak up at all. We are scared that we will say the wrong thing, cause offense and make matters worse. However, long days spent close beside a person with personal habits you find irritating or distasteful can become very, very stressful.
It can be the rave music ring tone on their mobile, set at loud: or the way they shriek hello to their friends: it can be the way they talk loudly close to your desk or an irritating laugh: it might even be the smell of the garlic salami they eat at mid morning or the takeaway cartons that are left around after lunch!
These conversations are difficult because they are personal, and because they are to do with your own likes or dislikes. There is no obvious right or wrong in most of them, and they only have an indirect link to job performance.
If you say nothing the problem will continue and you will become more and more irritated and stressed. If you speak up you may do more harm than good, damaging your working relationship and maybe even the productivity of the team.
You need to plan how you are going to speak up.
Setting the right tone in the opening to one of these conversations is vital. Let us say that you are irritated by one of your female colleagues who stands close by your desk laughing and chatting to others while you are trying to work. You might open the conversation by saying: Can I talk to you about something that is bothering me.
Then explain what is concerning you. Keep it short and as simple as you can, but be specific. You could say: I spend a lot of time on the phone with clients and I need to hear exactly what they say. Sometimes you stand close to my desk when you chat to; and then name the people she talks to.
To make sure you do not sound unfriendly or accusing, you might add: I am not suggesting that you stop coming around to chat to us.
Then you can explain how her behaviour is affecting you: It is just that when you talk and laugh I find it difficult to hear my clients on the phone.
You have said it! You have not been accusing or disrespectful, but you have explained clearly how you are feeling. Then you can invite her to share in the conversation, by using a question: Could we try and agree something that will work for both of us here.
A conversation like this is not easy but with some planning you can make it safe. The rewards for having it are better working conditions, better working relationships and a whole lot less stress. That does make it worth trying!
Author Resource:-
Maureen Collins trains people how to handle difficult conversations, on difficult topics, with difficult people in her consulting practice, Straight Talk. She has a B.Sc. degree in Psychology from Edinburgh University and over 25 years of consulting experience. She consults in communication in the workplace. In Straight Talk, Get free Straight Talk Tips. http://www.straight-talk.co.za
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